Well apparently he's into motor boating.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
