This is not my ceiling
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
