its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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