I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
