After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
