just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
