do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
