her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
