You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
