She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
