he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she peed on how many people?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
