dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
