i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
