i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
