she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
