the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
