I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
