They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There r osticjed everywhere
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
