belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
