I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
