So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
