sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
