garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
