youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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