Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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