ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
