he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
