There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
