Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
