he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
