Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
