I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
