Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
