Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
