she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
