He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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