and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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