And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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