hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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