he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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