the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
