I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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