I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
