how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What drink are we having for lunch?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
