I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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