why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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