so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Are we still banned from the library?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
