my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
