Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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