i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
